sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
