Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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