marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
