I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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