I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
