I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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