you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
