His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
