I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
