i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
