We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
