Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
