It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
