I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
