there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
