please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize