Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
