Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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