Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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