do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
