FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
