I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
