people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
