i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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