I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have aggressive nipples.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
