found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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