I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
