i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
