His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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