This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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