My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
