You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
