i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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