u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my sisters under your porch take her home
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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