he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
