dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
