Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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