exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
