Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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