Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
