Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
