why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
