What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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