things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
