Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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