How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
