I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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