Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
