Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
