..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
