It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
worst night to have a conscience
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
