Moan for me like Helen Keller
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
