In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
