when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
