i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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