All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
