I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
