All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
