That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
