you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
