took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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