Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
