Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
