We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
