I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
