my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
