And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
