your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
