I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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