There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
