im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
