How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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