i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
