i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
