You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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