you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
