He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
