You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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