ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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